The First IVF Cycle

My first IVF cycle was 5 years ago in May. I had just been laid off from my job so I had hit an especially low point in my life but for the first cycle I had hope that I while I was not acheiving much career wise I would certainly be pregnant after the nerve wracking months of testing and IUIs. It is funny looking back after 7 cycles. I think most of us have the similar feelings. Overwhelmed when you get that big box-o-needles and medications and hope that IVF will do the trick and that it will happen the first time. Somehow I put the statistics out of my mind. Yes only about half of the people who do IVF get pregnant and yes even less actually have a live birth but of course I will be one of those women that has it work the first time. I dragged myself out of bed each morning for monitoring. I dealt with extreme nausea resulting from the meds but I just knew it was going to work. At retreival I was terrified because it was my first ever surgery in my life but when I was in recovery they told me they got 11 eggs and I was so happy... 11 eggs all with such potential. 11 eggs to hang our hopes and dreams on. The first indication that things would not go well was the next day when I was anxiously awaiting the fertilization report. The RE called and told me my eggs didn't look right. Even worse news... only 2 had fertilized with ICSI (a procedure where sperm are directly injected into eggs). I knew in my heart then that the cycle was over. It was like a punch in the gut. We went to transfer and they had one 5-cell embryo waiting for us (embryos should be at least 6 cells by a three day transfer but really the REs all prefer 8 cells). We did the transfer and waited the two weeks for the news we knew in our hearts we would get. Despite that all I held out some hope that some kind of miracle would occur and I would be on of those stories... one below average embryo making it to make a beautiful baby but that was not the story I could tell. Looking back everything would have been different. We know now that ICSI for some reason ruins the fertilization rate for my eggs when it usually guarantees high fertilization rates. That RE had me on WAY TOO MUCH medication and that I was on the verge of hyperstimulation (hence how sick I was through the whole cycle). On top of that the protocol chosen had fried my eggs despite the RE blaming the eggs... 5 other RE opinions inclusing one of the top REs in this country and my successful cycles confirmed this. So much was done wrong and the worst part of it all it took away so much of my faith in my both my body and medicine in general. That first IVF was a hard pill to swallow.