don't ignore your broken heart

During treatment my heart was broken over and over again and perhaps the most pain was when I lost my first pregnancy. I was devastated and defeated. It was my final insurance covered cycle and we were all in. We transferred (I am embarassed to admit) 6 embryos which my later RE was completely horrified to find out. My mom rallied around me to take me to a pampering day at the spa for my birthday which was just a week after the miscarriage. I had a massage, pediacure, and a fresh new haircut/style. The next weekend my friends came down to cheer me up. We were supposed to go to the city and ramble around central park after going to the museum of natural history but our one friend didn't feel so great the next morning. We assumed it was too much wine and super cookie (you know those big ones they have at the supermarket with icing and everything... hey don't judge and for reference white wine goes with super cookie) as we consumed way too much. Two days later I came down with the worst stomach bug I had had in a long time. The next day I woke up with a pain in my chest. I thought it was from retching the previous day. The next morning it happened again... and then again. That night I was in the hospital with a fever of 104F and a blood pressure that was 200 something over 150 or so. I thought I was dying. For two nights I was sure I was going to die. It turned out I had pericarditis. The lining of my heart was infected. After all my pain from the miscarriage I was now in significant physical pain as well. So first my heart broke and then it really broke.